Aug. 18, 2018

that is a start

I bet you know someone who like to do same old things every single day. Most of us do, to maintain our life at least. I bet there is a time you were wondering about a plan of change. Will it worth it? Did you regret of omission, not get a start on a project, or a waste of time, after the project got nowhere to brag?

Starting a new thing is risky


You heard me right. The risk of planning a new project is the cost of the mind. You put your life experience into a project by projecting what are things needed, what are the outcomes, and if the outcome are known, could you do it or what are the resources you need to get to the desired results. Try to answer a bunch of question when you don't have much facts to put on the table is crushing. Soon enough, your mind is overflown by the question to answer, and forget that there are always to more questions needed an answer, and lesser answers returns.

Then if you like me, after a few hours, or a few days depends on the scope of the project, I grew doubts about the feasibility of that project, even questioning my judgement to start brainstorming about this project in the first place. There is nothing worst than to doubt yourself at making decision, but I still do. So why is that? We started a idea with excitements, energized over prospects to grow yourself, fumbled over the questions, and ended up giving up your project idea and trashed your ability to know what stuffs worth doing? That does not sound good.

Afraid to start a idea is safe and boring

Someone may said you are never wrong if you do nothing. That I heard several time as a way to criticize the boss because the seemingly inaction on his/her part. Trying and learning does depends on age. If someone in their teens tried roll-skating, I think it is normal, but a middle-women tried the same things, I would find that is strange. The key here is what the normal or strange compared to. Is this compared to my standard or a norms of the group they are belongs too? Many perception to the same thing ends up in different spectra depends on your life experience, what you are conditioned to as a human being growing ups and trying (or not trying) a new thing.

That seems a long primer to the afraid to try. Let me narrow down a bit. Young people in their 30's, some are still learning a new things, and some just says they are too old for this and that. Now if I asked the same question, should that individual learns that thing? The answer not only depends on the 'thing' itself, but in a large part, depends on your samplings to the similar, identical groups. While trying to end up with question, judging an action turns out to comparing that with your perception of the task and the population of that individual.

I've not yet answer the question, have I?

It is not end of the world when a young person, out of college not trying to do a new job, and it is not crazy prediction if that individual ends up to be a staff doing the same old in some unrecognizable offices. The choice of today does affect how you grow experience, which then becomes more and more important to see the world in your own spectrum. One could have chosen to be simple and ordinary, and others would be shaky unstable trying a new things at the last 30's. The latter is me.

So what I have to do now?

I don't have a good answer. I like to grow my experience, even a painful one, and even turn out, I was miserable after those years of trying. I even have less materials to be proud of, not even seem smart enough to be practical and 'know who you are'. That is a real bummer. When I'm in a deathbed, I probably know what I love to, and what I regret of (not) doing, I don't know yet, but to that point, it does not matter. It is matters now where or not to do something, and somehow a few dozen years later, the satisfaction is judged, and it is no longer matter. See the conundrum there.

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