Why I do what I do?
Over a coffee table, I shared with one of my friends: “Think about when friends pay tributes to you when you are in a coffin, what they are going to say?” This is not my idea. I got it from a book about motivation, in a sense that to live to your fullness and make a great impacts to people around you, contribute to the larger society if you could.
To know that everyone will eventually die is depressing. I saw it somewhere from a survey asking nurses that patients in their deathbed regret the most what they didn’t do. Regret what might have been a wonderful experience. Regret what might have been changed your life forever. Regret that your youth self could have not gotten all the items on the bullet list crossed. Remorseful is in the same tone with regretful, and I’m saying this from my own perspective, of what you should not do, but you did it anyway, well, when it turned out badly.
Knowing what you miss that might have turned your life better, and what you should have avoided to veer your life to another pathway is magical. Simply, no one knows unless you see from its end.
I’m in mid-30, and certainly, if everything goes on its normal course, I would have another plus 30 years productive and useful years. Knowing that you can do great things that people remember you from your tombstone feels satisfied and nothing should be trade off. Living your fullness means sometime you cross your boundary. You follow your passion. You follow your dream of the moment is leading you. It means you possibly go against your family’s advice, norms, and convention around you.
It is dangerous and because of it so, follow your heart is not for everyone.
In movies, I heard “mid-life crisis” when you have a 10-15 years of marriage, kids go to school, you are a manager or a seasonal staff with a good 5-7 years working experience. Things become normal and ordinary. No spice or ups and downs. Everything is similar to everyday. Boring can skill you. Suddenly, a manager with back shoes and a business suit want to have a leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson. Some wants even more into affairs.
Follow your heart seems to lead to different ends. In a younger age, that means more ambitious projects, traveling to other places, meeting new people, advancing your skills and furthering your career, getting a higher education, even dropping a good-paid job to learn electronic (I did). Follow your heart in an older age is still positive. Someone likes to teach, to do art works, to live free after sometimes working day job for money. Some turns to voluntary works and train a youngster to improve future. Many write books.
Knowing what you can do, and seeing it as what you want, and comparing to others around you seeing it are not always on the same page. Learning good things from other people is always welcomed and recommended. Collecting good traits of people you met and the tendency to attach those people around you could lead to bad precedents. [Some details omitted here]. Either way, you end up risking what you have or a regretful corpse. Well, corpse is no longer able to feel regretful, but living in next 30 years and knowing that something else missing out in a current life, and the feeling of knowing without doing is more or less torturing.
Well, well, well.